I Want To Stay Fat Because

My top 10 reasons (in no particular order) for staying fat are:

1. I want to stay fat because I love the challenge of sitting in the office chairs, wondering if today is the day that one of them will break when I sit down.
2. I want to stay fat so that I don’t have to worry about what to wear.  It’s so much easier just pulling on one of the 10 outfits that I can still wear.
3. I want to stay fat because I feel so much safer driving my car with the steering wheel pressed against my belly.
4. I want to stay fat so that I don’t have to buy socks since I can’t bend down far enough to pull them on.
5. I want to stay fat because I enjoy being ignored.
6. I want to stay fat because the sweat that rolls down my face at the smallest bit of exertion gives me such a glow.
7. I want to stay fat because I love obstacle courses and there is no bigger obstacle course than a fat person trying to maneuver through a crowed store or restaurant.
8. I want to stay fat because I hate nice relaxing baths.
9. I want to stay fat because my voice sound so sexy as I wheeze and gasp for air when I walk up the stairs.
10. I want to stay fat because I love having to come up with excuses not to go to family gatherings.